The Order Awards 2008
toc =The Order Awards 2008= Primary Awards: **Who is the God-King of the Order?** You guessed it. You knew it. Gerko, with an omnipotent 10 votes, shall continue his reign from the shadows for yet another year. Luke finished second with 4 votes (which is quite impressive seeing as how he didn't even formally campaign this year, uhm). Kharn, Alec, Elissar, and Abstain share the third place with a measly vote each, cast by their secret admirers. (PM me offers to purchase the info). **Who is the coolest member?** As with many of the primary awards, this one was no surprise either. Your beloved and ever so honorable ballot officer Luke took a landslide victory with 3 votes, over Ozrat and Yamu with 2 votes each. Finishing in another timezone were Mohrg, Kharn, Pope Viper, Gerko, Wooz, Mikey, Alec, Twinkie, Elissar, Azure and The Commissar - all with just one vote to their names. **Who is the sexiest member?** The defending champion since three years finally took this down without having to share it as a split victory. Yes, it is The Commissar, who with her ripped t-shirt and burning vulva has won the hearts, or cocks, of the Orderites, with four votes. Luke was not far behind with 3 votes, and regrets voting for Lauren to brake the tie. The Bronze goes to pre-teen hunk Gus and Abstain, both with two votes. Stag, Overseer, Kharn, Gerko, Skenvoy, Wooz and Ozrat are to be considered as just about ugly enough to remember, with just one vote. But, not as ugly as: **Who is the fugliest member?** With his faggot-tail, cock-sucker lips and generally outlandish looks, suliK gains his first gold medal 2008 in the fugly category with 4 votes. Ozrat, Dove and Malkavian quarrel for space on the second place plate with 2 votes. Hentario, Wooz, Stag, Yamu, Gerko, Elissar and TwinkieGorilla got a vote each. There was also a vote for "All", counted as Abstain. **Who is the most 'Orderite' of all Orderites?** Something seemed amiss when counting this, but it all checks out. Newbie Zaron gathered three votes, together with Luke - who unwilling to share the award with Zaron alone voted for Brother None, so that they'll split the medal three ways. (Also, Luke and Brother None can kick Zarons ass when collecting the medal.) Ozrat get's the whole silver medal all to himself with 2 votes to his ears name. One vote each for Mikey, suliK, Terra Firma, Gerko, Azure, Jebus and Ratty says they are slightly Orderite. **Who is the best post author/storyteller of the Order?** All the novels have paid off for Luke, who with five votes is victorious also in the storyteller awards, thereby ensuring his gold medal hat-trick. Alec follows close behind with 4 votes, as well as suliK - even though some would say he's been loosing his touch as of late. Abstain got 2 votes - Gerko, Azure and Brother None 1 each. (In one peculiar ballot, there might have been a vote for Ratty here, but it wasn't really clear and counted as abstain.) **Who is the worst post author/storyteller of the Order?** It is widely known that Orderites are awesome storytellers. Perhaps that's why Abstain whopped everyones ass with 4 votes! Since Abstain is absent and cannot claim his medal, it goes to the golden runner ups Alec and suliK, with three votes each! It's not too shabby that the same two persons got a silver medal for best stories, and a gold medal for the worst stories! Not too many are interested in the stories of KSM and Stag, who got 2 votes each. I hadn't even noticed that it was worth listening to the tales of Wooz, Randall Flagg, Gus and Gerko. (Also, it should be mentioned that xu got two voted, contributing to the victory of Abstain.) **Who would you rather meet up with in real life?** The winner was flattered to recieve a whole five votes - everyone congratulate Luke on that a bunch of Orderites are interested in meeting him - be it for sexual purpouses, or just to kick his ass. Kharn stands alone with the silver, due to his 3 votes. Skenvoy, Ashmo, suliK, Wooz, Babs, Gerko, Mikey, Ozrat, Overseer and Abstain all have 1 secret lover in the fora. **Who is most likely to become Lord Protector of Bantopia?** The people of the Order have spoken. It is deemed as very likely that Wooz is about to ban himself, with 4 votes to his prophecy! Abstain also got 4 votes, though two of them were originally illegal votes for xu. Overseer is also pushing the limit with 3 votes. Malkavian got 2 votes - Stag, Gerko, Alec and Pipboy2000 got 1 each. **Who bears the heaviest burden of intellect?** Defending champion Brother None clings tightly to this award with 6 votes. Wooz (2) and Murdoch (2) each have a third of Brother Nones brain and a useless silver medal. Luke, Mikey, Gerko, Sander, mrmodem, Ashmo, Ozrat and Fusion have an Intelligence below average, according to 1 vote for each Torr. **Who has the biggest xander root up his ass?** The Orderite most adviced to speed-dial his proctologist is Paladin Solo, with 4 witnesses testifying to his recturnal root. Alec also needs to worry about his alimentary canal, with 3 votes. Brother None and Wooz may have bashed one n00b too many, finishing third with 2 votes. Dammitboy gets an honorable mention with one vote, counting as Abstain (2). Sander, Gerko, Jebus, Gus and Mikey probably just have a lingonberry up their shitter (1). Secondaries: **Who has the coolest nick?** eom killed all competition with a stunning 3 votes. The silver medal goes to: Locke Taelos, Luke, alec, Abstain, Overseer, The Commissar, Ratty, Fyu-jon!!!, Gerko, Brother None, Wooz, Clerqueer, suliK, Malkavian, Murdoch (1). **Who has the gayest nick?** What's up with that, TwinkieGorilla - why is your nick so gay? At any rate, it has gotten you a gold medal, with three votes! There is no bronze in this category either, as the silver is shared by: Wooz, Gus, Abstain, alec, Paladin Solo, Jebus, Gerko, Malkavian, Zaron, Clerqueer, Stag, Luke, Polock, Monsharen and Brother None (1). **Who has the coolest avatar?** It hates everyone, and everyone hates it - Luke claims the grand avatar prize for his Scrooge McDuck with 4 votes. Abstain (3) is alone with the silver, and Murdoch (2) gets a well earned bronze. It remains an enigma why anyone even bothered to vote for Yamu, The Commissar, Wooz, Gerko, Zaron, Brother None, Skenvoy, and Mad Dog. **Who has the coolest sig?** Sigs do not seem to be fashion in the Order, what with the achievement system taking up so much space. Abstain wins, with six votes. Accepting the medal in his stead is Stag with three votes. Luke runs up with two votes, and Wooz, Gerko, Azure Stone, Murdoch, mikey and monsharen were not even close (1). **Who has the worst sig and/or avatar?** His siggery has apparantly not left anyone untouched. Stag is both the master and the bum, with 4 votes for the bum av/sig achievement. Alec and Abstain both got 2 votes each. Wooz, Zaron, suliK, Rusty Skull, Paladin Solo, Rusty Skull, Gerko, Yamu, Murdoch and Mad Dog should have their eyes checked and trade in their old avs and sigs. **Who posts the funniest spam?** He is the self-proclaimed Champion, so it is with little surprise that I announce suliK (5) as the funniest spammer. (Who would have thunk, after all these years?) Alec claims the silver with three votes. Zaron, Pipboobs2000, Abstain and and Luke gets 2 ("the achievement system is hilarious"). As far as Yamu and Gerko (1) are concerned, I'm not even going to go there. **Who always gets the jokes last, if ever?** Huh, what jokes? Had it been legal, that would likely have been the reaction of xu (who due to his non-Orderiteness does not deserve to see his name in bold text), as he would have accepted this award. Four amazing votes were cast on his name and in turn transformed into Abstain, with a total of 7 votes. Stag and Ozrat got 2 votes each, sharing the most pathetic victory of them all. Paladin Solo, Wooz, suliK, Rusty Skull, Overseer, Gerko, and Tannhauser have 1 secret hater among our ranks. **Who is the least worthy of his membership?** Poor religon-boy mr. pastorius has been voted as the most unworthy member with three votes, even though he's announced his leave of this realm on his own accord - though Abstain is with him him in his misery with the same amount. The Psychopathic Polock was remembered by two voters. Wooz, Rusty Skull, Dove, Rusty Skull, Gerko, Tannhauser, suliK, Luke, Paladin Homo and Terra Firma are threatened to be voted off the island by 1 vote each. One person actually voted for xu - how could anyone have missed at this point how he is not an Orderite? Random Awards: **Who is most likely to get aids?** 12 out of 18 voters have agreed, making this the most agreed upon Award. Good ol', wish-washy alec is most likely to get aids, what with all his ass-poking and rubbing his cock against the feet of women who have walked in poo, or whatever other perverted aids-causing activities he enjoys in his leisure time. Wooz, Luke, Dove, Gerko and Zaron are only slightly likely to get aids with 1 vote and a shared silver medal. There is also a dishonorable mention of xu, counting as Abstain. **Who is the Orderite most likely to take offense to having an award for the person most likely to get aids?** Poor boy pastorius (4) may accept the gold medal once he's returned from crying at his mothers bosom about the previous award. Paladin, Wooz, Ashmo and Abstain share the Silver with half as many votes. Pipboy, Dove, Tone, Gerko, Ozrat and Brother None are only slightly sensitive (1). **Who really doesn't deserve to get an award in any category?** He has surprised us all with his amazing capture of gold medals. Already hat-trick winner Stag should just fugheddaboutit, according to 3 votes, ensuring this gold medal. Gerko, Twinkie and Abstain got 2 votes each. Furthermore, Pope Viper, Wooz, suliK, Ratty, Zaron, Kharn, mr. pastorius, Strider and Luke all got 1 black vote against them. **Who has a penis so big that it probably has its own penis (the "Bigguth Dickuthh" Award)?** The throbbing cock of Wooz, already recognized with the Golden Cock achievement, gathered him 4 votes for the win. Lukes amazing cock was not forgotten with 3 votes for the silver. Three votes were also cast on abstain - one of them on "Katja", whose membership has been revoked, and one of the on DammitBoy. The Commissar, Alec, Gerko, Elissar, Jebus, Gus, Oz and Kharn should not bee to discontent with their cocks either (1). **Who...*sniffle*...who...*emo*...who just wants to be loved?** Our representative from the emo community has stood up for his cause. The Overseer, with 4 votes, took the prize with little competition. Alec, Malkavian and Abstain - though perhaps worth more, only scored 2 votes each. Wooz, monsharen, Dove, Gerko, Yamu, Stag, Twinkie and pipn00b are only beginner emos. **Who is most likely to be an even worse actor than Nicholas Cage?** Few people understand him, and the film industry is not excluded. The Overseer can't seem to get credit for his personal acting interpretations, with 3 votes. Wooz, Azure, Alec, Kharn, Stag, Paladin Solo, Luke, Gerko, monsharen, Zaron, xu(Abstain), Yamu, Pip, Abstain, and Ozrat should probably not consider a career change either. **In addition, who (like Nicholas Cage) is most likely to dress in a bear suit, run up to a lady suit and punch her lights out?** Does that include raping her as she passes out? If so, there is no doubt that Alec is a worthy winner, with 5 votes. The runner up is not totally unworthy - we all know how they treat women in the middle east, and so does KSM with 3 votes. Don't feel entirely safe if you spot suliK, Wooz, Gus, Mohrg, Luke, Ratty, Skittles, Gerko, TwinkieGorilla, Abstain or Mohrg come running in a bear suit either. **Who is most likely to fail at life and become a janitor instead of just killing himself?** The champion strikes again. That's right, suliK is deemed likely to endure even though failing miserably, according to 4 votes. Overseer, Ozrat, Pipbög2000 and Zaron will also probably be seen looking through the unqualified joblistings for crappy losers ere the end. Wooz, Paladin Solo, Ashmo, Gerko, Brother None and Alec are also likely to fail but not have the guts to end it all (1). And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... Parrot Rank of the Year Award *drumroll* What a match it was. 7 voters agreed; there will be no change. Jebus is, despite his activity, eternal pet parrot of the Order, it seems. Congratulations! Two people abstained for some reason, and the rest voted for Wooz, Overseer, Paladin Solo, Gerko, pipboy2000, Mikey, Stag, Yamu and Brother None. (1) IMPROVIZED SPECIAL AWARDS! (Do not count towards hat trick medals etc.) **Grand Master Mega-Champion of the Most Gold Medals:** Luke (5). **Winner of the most bad awards, ie Official Loser(s):** Stag, suliK. **Funniest Ballot:** suliK **Amazing recognition for the most convincing single victory:** Alec. Recognition for the most pathetic single victory:** Stag and Ozrat.